Thursday, January 27, 2005

Policy Position: Goûtez-l'avec du jus de pamplemousse

Nutella: no-one knows what it's really made of apart from half of it which is made from the remains of people named Ella, and it is not Peanut Butter. Which is made from Peanuts. It goes well with marmelade, which is made from marmosets.
The editorial board here at ¡No Pasaran! does not take Nutella at the breakout sessions of our exhaustingly long caucuses in our hide-away privées deluxe in Davos and Duluth... We enjoy the delicate and sophisticated pleasures of peanut butter.
This message brought to you in spite of our revulsion at the world's best known peanut farmer. You remember him, he sold his country up the river over North Korean nukes. We still however like our peanut butter.
While we appreciate the subtle pleasures of this uncomplicated legume, as do most american (who are tolerant of Nutella), it makes Europeans whince and become anxiously defensive about Nutella. Which is partially made from free range gnus, but is denser than barium.

Have a nice day.

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