We have to be safe! The coronavirus shutdown is airport security for the whole country

What do you think of the media's coverage of the Wuhan virus?

asks Ann Coulter. 

It's like a nonstop "War of the Worlds" broadcast, which in 1938 panicked more than a million Americans into believing Martians had landed in New Jersey, sending people fleeing to the mountains, loading their shotguns and barricading their homes. And that was a single radio broadcast!

Today we have nearly all of media -- which I notice are doing fantastically well during the crisis -- terrifying the public about an apparently indestructible, omnipresent virus.

You don't think the China virus is as dangerous as they say?

 … we know virtually nothing about this virus: why it kills, what stops it, how it's transmitted.

Actually, we know one very important thing: By total serendipity, the Wuhan virus mostly kills people over the age of 70. Nearly 80 percent of all coronavirus deaths in the U.S. are of people over 70 years old.

What about Italy?

About 80 percent of the dead were over 70.

That sounds a little callous.

Not at all. It's a stroke of good luck! We'd be lucky if the virus targeted any specific group -- the nearsighted, left-handers, golfers -- because that would allow us to concentrate protections on that one group.

But it's doubly good news because the Wuhan targets people who are mostly out of the workforce anyway. And we already have their names and addresses! How about the feds send a box of masks along with Social Security checks every month?

How will you get Democratic governors to go along with that?

Liberals can triple down on all their fascist stuff -- as long as it's limited to the vulnerable.

Over 65? You need a note from the governor to leave your home!

Fine! But let the rest of us get back to work.

Why haven't they done this already?

Because that wouldn't have the effect of wrecking the economy before the election.

 … Liberals enjoy controlling people, especially with enragingly nonsensical rules.

I thought Trump was the authoritarian!

No, he's the lazy, narcissistic blowhard. Liberals are the authoritarians.

The shutdown is airport security for the whole country. Nineteen Muslim immigrants flew planes into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, and suddenly little old ladies from Oklahoma had to be goosed at airports. We have to be safe!

A horrible Chinese virus sweeps the planet, which is devastating to older people but virtually harmless to the young -- and the entire country has to be shut down. We have to be safe!