Monday, September 19, 2005

Emilia and dictator lovers (or: Emilia vs. the volcano)

A letter from ¡No Pasaràn’s! special correspondent in Romania, a hard-working university student, reports to all of us on an Argentinian rah-rahing for EUtopia, and other activist lunacy in her midst:

«I write to send a message to all EU taxpayers who read ¡No Pasaràn! My message also goes to those 76% Euroenthusiasts in my country. Alas, we do not have a choice. But I think your Western European readers deserve to know how some of their tax money is being spent.

My University is hosting a EC-funded, Spanish-speaking conference on Identity and Institutional Change in the European Cultural Space (my loose translation from Spanish). Against my better judgment, I was hoping that this would not turn into another Academia Moonbat Reunion, but I just got back from spending a day with the dreadlocked, flip-flop wearing peacenik students and their professors and I feel like I need a hot shower and some industrial solvents to wash away the filth.

First off, they all seem pretty disappointed with the fiasco of the European Constitution. But, as one of their professors put it: "Asking for a referendum on this issue was a big mistake." And: "It's the fault of some of Chirac's rivals" (No names were named but I think I know what he means).

After that, here comes Chief Moonbat, a German student whose chin looks like some balding animal crawled there to die, gushing over an Ian McEwen novel which deals with Iraq.
Where does this lead to? Apparently, the opposition to the war crystallized a "common European conscience" and unified Europe for the first time. "I mean, the initial members of the EU," he added hastily, by which he must have meant the members that matter.
Because apparently, The UK, Denmark and Italy are of no consequence to Moonbaty McBat. Sadly enough, nobody called him on his bullshit.

A couple of days ago, Dr. Facundo Tomas of Valencia deigned to enlighten us on religion and identity by analyzing Max Weber's classic theories.
[Ed. As if Herr Professor could grasp a concept like Theodicy] First, he took a rather ineffectual stab at Samuel Huntington, then launched into a full-fledged interjection on AmeriKKKan Puritanism, complete with mouth-foaming and all.
Get this: as we all know, AmeriKKKa is run by evil Puritans and Jews. Your crime? Working so damn hard and, what's even more "worrying", making the rest of us work harder by proxy.
He also claims that in Spain perjury as a strategy of defence is absolutely acceptable, whereas in the US it adds to your time spent in the slammer.
Because... Work? Evil and Puritanistic. Lying? Absolutely freakin' OK. (Also, blowjobs are illegal, though he did say "in some states" and I have a nagging suspicion that this might be true of Alabama, so I won't go there). Therefore, peaceful, sophisticated Europe ought to do the sensible thing: show some understanding towards our age-old Islamic neighbors and form an Alliance with them. This time, there was somebody to call him on his bullshit, but since I was the only student in the room who had read both Huntington and Weber I was simply dismissed with a nod and a frown.

Today I was in for round 2 of Merde in Romania (via Germany and Spain). I chaperoned our merry socialists to the medieval town of Sibiu and, in light of all the crap I've had to listen to over the past week or so, I decided to go all contrarevolutionary on their asses and spend my hard-earned money on an anti-Ché Commies Aren't Cool t-shirt. The effect was immediate. Oh, the bewilderment and heartache it caused! First, an Argentine asked Why, Why, Why??? would I wear such an abnormality! Haven't I read his works? Nope. Don't plan on it either. But why?

Because life is too short.

I have read Marx though. And? It's bullshit and it's the kind of bullshit that butchered more than 100 million people and poisoned my country for generations. But el Ché was not a Commie! He was a Socialist, dammit! And he was completely RIGHT!!! As was Marx and The Communist Manifesto. But again, he was not a Commie. Communism was perverted by Stalin and hey, we got the short end of the straw, whereas they got the glorious, idealized, 100% pure, Ché-approved variant. The mystery of my self-confessed liberalism (of the European variety) was immediately elucidated upon spotting my copy of Francis Fukuyama's "Nation Building".

Well, if you're influenced by the Americans, then... Don't you know what the Americans did to my country? I don't really care, actually. So, if I don't know jack about socialism, care to point me to a true-blue socialist government? Well, there's none left because Europe is becoming liberalized and globalized.

All Right! Score one for the good guys! He swiftly dismissed me as a brainwashed brainchild of Karl Rove and spent the rest of the day glowering at me and chit-chatting with his goateed-German buddies. One of them asked me where I'd got my tee and exclaimed: "Who puts these things on the Internet???" "The CIA," I said with a straight face.
Another Argentine, one of the professors, didn't want to get into an argument but she did say that I'd never find something like that in Germany, and that "your t-shirt breaks my heart".

BUT, the best reaction came from Ché-groupie ("I love him." "I don't"), AmeriKKKa critic, Facundo Tomas. I thought I could have a redeemable, thought-provoking conversation with him, so I tried to tell him that most educated Romanians with more than a couple of active neurons are right-wing liberals, as are the vast majority of elites (including singer/actor types).

Know what he had to say to that? "When you get into the EU, you'll get over it!!! I guarantee that your children will rebel against your generation and will wear Ceausescu t-shirts."

My friends and I were stunned. We tried to explain a little about who The Butcher of The Carpathians really was and how traumatic his socialist/commie reign was for the whole country, still clinging to the hope that maybe it was his thick ignorance that was getting the better of his common sense.

HA! He laughed in our faces. ”Ceausescu was not evil!” He rather likes "uneducated delinquents" (my mild description of old Nicu). He did stray a little from the path in the 80s, but overall, he was an OK guy. And with that, seeing as we would not relent, he said: "Let's wrap this up." We were still in a state of shock and tried to get a word in but he cut us off with a nice:


So there, you have it, my future fellow-EU citizens. I only have this to say:

1. If I catch my children sporting a Ceusescu t-shirt, I will commit infanticide.

2. By the time Romania joins the EU, I hope I can apply for political asylum in the US or Australia.

3. The next time you go to Spain, don't forget to wear a t-shirt that says: "Franco was actually a good guy with bad press", but make sure it's in Spanish, because Facundo does not speak the imperialists' language.

This was a public service message brought to you by a Eastern European friend.»
She continues:
«I just got back from another round of whiny, self-congratulatory luddite bullshit and I've decided to make Getting The Hell Out Of Europe my life's mission.

Thank God some people still have their heads screwed on straight.»
- Emilia

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