On the Campaign Trail

Every four years, The Economist starts implementing On the trail, a weekly collection of fun and fascetious figures, facts, and (especially) quotes from that week's campaign in America's presidential election. They're a joy to read (that's where I found out about this website) and the titles are often hilarious, so be sure you turn to it on a weekly basis. (On the home page, click on More from North America, then find the current week's On the trail entry — the previous week's will be unavailable unless you're a premium content registered subscriber.)

Rape me	Baise-moi
French skank. Get real bitch, look at yourself. Another hysterical rich bitch on the rag. Paris is crawling with these consensual anti-Establishment loons, (small time hack writers, or sub-advertising types barricaded in their PR firms clutching their Mac keyboards and firing up the masses) who are earning big bucks while lounging around their upscale neighborhoods mouthing globophobe blather and sipping their fair trade coffee.	Tu pourrais faire passer un TGV dans sa chatte. Non ma salope, mais tu t'es vue? Encore une hystérique, pleine aux as, qui a ses règles. Paris grouille de ces contestataires très consensuels (écrivaillons à la petite semaine, ou sous-pubards terrés dans leurs boîtes de com' agrippés à leurs claviers Mac à partir d'où ils haranguent la populace) qui gagnent très bien leur vie tout en tenant des propos globophobes dignes du café du commerce équitable de leurs quartiers cossus.

Good Deeds for Iraq, International Brotherhood, and Global Stability

France was Europe's fiercest opponent of the U.S.-led war on Iraq. Critics accuse it of seeking to undermine NATO and curb U.S. influence.

"It looks like France is blocking an alliance consensus," said one diplomat at the 26-nation alliance's headquarters.

"There are 20-plus countries in favor of beginning the training mission inside Iraq next week, two or three are undecided — and there's one country blocking, that's France."

Diplomats said Paris is determined not to hand President Bush a show of international support for his Iraq policy before the Republican Party's pre-election convention, which opens at the end of August.

I thought you weren't supposed to intervene in other countries' internal affairs (?), but then again, what the Hell do I know…

Germany and Belgium are not enthusiastic about a NATO training mission, but have made it clear they would not stand in the way of the majority.

Baghdad has asked the NATO alliance for military equipment and protection for U.N. personnel as well as training for both its troops and border guards.

Well, who cares about what the Iraqis want, right? (a NATO presence, freedom from Saddam Hussein, etc…)

A team of NATO experts recently went to Iraq to explore the options, but France believes a second fact-finding mission should now be dispatched and it should report back in September.

Oh, right, those fact-finding missions, which those naïve Americans forgot are supposed to — I mean, "will definitely, without the shadow of a doubt" — solve all the world's ills…

(Thanks to Greg Schreiber)

Quick, Hide That Chart!

Don't forget, now: Uncle Sam created Saddam Hussein, so the whole Iraq mess is all America's fault!

(…But make sure that this chart never appears in any media outlet of a "brown" country.)

(Merci à James Lileks)

Deciding and Executing

Are citizens' thoughts and opinions also what must be decided at the highest levels, with the (thoughtless?) citizens in question simply (and mindlessly) repeating what they have heard from above?

Souvenez-vous, les citoyens : There is never anything that the lucid French (or their lucid leaders) do that is anything to get excited about. And there is never anything that the treacherous Americans (or their treacherous leaders) do that is not worth condemning in the harshest language. And (last but not least): any (supposed) sin commited by a lucid Frenchman (by a lucid French leader) is nothing but peanuts compared to the (very real) sins committed by a treacherous American (by a treacherous American leader).

Bearing that in mind, let's listen to a French journalist being interviewed at the Dem convention.

(Merci à Gregory Schreiber)

Noblesse Oblige: Expecting French Subjects to Do What the Custodians of State Power Have Decided Is Best for France

In his annual Bastille Day televised interview, the French president, Jacques Chirac, gave a performance illustrating the contradictions of his presidency and the tension in France between Republican values and hierarchical traditions. The style as much as the substance of Chirac's discourse cast light on the dead weight of old French habits and the new opportunities of European integration

wrote the Boston Globe in an editorial entitled Chirac's Hauteur.

…when asked about that possibility in his Bastille Day interview [that French voters will take out their discontent with Chirac's presidency by voting down a European Constitution that he has made a personal cause], Chirac responded with a lordly hauteur that no US president would dare affect. "Honestly," the old Gaullist said, "I have confidence in the French."

Commendable as his position on a referendum may be, Chirac's way of calling on the French to agree with his notion of their best interests is rife with elitist assumptions. His profession of confidence means that he expects subjects of the French state to do what the custodians of state power have decided is best for France.

Chirac was expressing the unquestioned sense of entitlement that lives in members of France's permanent governing class — those alumni of the Ecole Nationale d'Administration, dubbed Enarques, who revolve from one ministerial post to another in pursuit of the ultimate perch now occupied by Chirac. To show that he has no intention of yielding to his primary political rival, Finance Minister Nicolas Sarkozy, Chirac answered a separate question about a dispute between them on defense spending by saying, simply: "I decide, he executes." This was a more explicit version of what he expects the French to do when they vote on the European Constitution. The French call it noblesse oblige.

The French say, 'Hassidim, but I don't believe him'	Les franchouilles perdent matière première à leurs bonnes histoires juives
Believe it. For French Jews, it's not a bug, it's a feature. This face says it all.	Pour les juifs français, y a pas de problème, c'est tout bénef. Ça se lit sur son visage.

Does Heinz Ketchup go on a foot long hot dog?	Lui et le Teletubby Vert vont aller à Bègles après
I think the Teletubby in the back is taking a trip up that old dirt road.	Je crois que le Teletubby au fond lui met ça dans l'entrée des artistes.

Zeropean Summertime Fun	Les folies zéropéennes estivales
Libération PropagandaStaffel tries to pull the wool over our eyes by asking the question, 'from what film is this scene taken?' One might know that this is a scene from François Jouffa's sleep inducing 'La Bonzesse' (Does anybody care?). The real question is: In the photo, is the guy on the crapper coming or going? Winner gets a round trip in the Paris sewers.	Libé PropagandaStaffel se croit très malin en nous posant une colle. Cette scène est tirée de quel film? On pourrait très bien savoir qu'il s'agit d'une prise du film soporifique 'La Bonzesse' de François Jouffa (et franchement, on s'en fout pas mal). La vraie question est: Dans cette photo, la nana manie une bite ou un bronze? L'heureux gagnant décrochera un aller-retour dans les égouts de Paris.

Axis of panty-waists	L'Axe des pédaloïdes
I am shocked by the use of such language.	L'emploi d'un tel vocabulaire me fait siffler les oreilles.

The Handful of Tiny Countries Supposedly Helping Us in Iraq

Read the list of what Jimmy Carter calls the "handful of little tiny countries supposedly helping us in Iraq" (click three times in the margin to go directly to the little tiny list of little tiny countries [with names in capitals]).

And ask yourself who is arrogant, sanctimonious, and condescending, and who is alienating America's (real) friends and allies (or is in danger of doing so).

Dhimmicraptic party nominee sports official Dhimmicrapper male burka	Le candidat du Parti Dhimmicrotte nous montre sa burka pour hommes agréée par le Parti

Dhimmicraptic party nominee reminds us that with the Dhimmicrappers it's going to be on all fours without lubrication for life	Le candidat du Parti Dhimmicrotte nous rappelle qu'avec eux cela se passera à quatre pattes, sans lubrifiant, à vie

Separated at birth?	Jumeaux séparés à la naissance?

Yeah, but which one bit was the pillow biter?	Oui, mais qui mordait l'oreiller?
France's first gay marriage has been annulled. Yes, but the event will remain in the annals.	Premier mariage gay en Fwance est annulé. Oui, mais l'événément restera dans les annales.

Armstrong Accusations Repulsive Not Because of the Accusations' Objectivity (Or Lack Thereof), But Because of the Accusers' Hypocrisy

In a New York Times article, Geoffrey Wheatcroft describes how "Armstrong's reign comes as French-American relations are at their sourest ever."

…there is an uglier manifestation of anti-American feeling: the hounding of Armstrong in the French press over accusations that he is involved in doping, and the repulsive sight of fans not only holding up signs of syringes as he passes but also spitting at him. This is repulsive not because of the objective weight of the accusations, but because of the hypocrisy: the French have been notably uncensorious about their own flawed idols. The same fans who jeer Armstrong cheered the stage victory of Richard Virenque, the villain of the 1998 doping scandal, which nearly ruined the Tour. 

Love comes in spurts	Ils retournent illico dans leurs HLM casernes d'Ali Baba
French human scum discharged from Gitmo. Expect the sob stories any minute now.	Les raclures de chiottes giclent du côté de Guantanamo. Attendez-vous aux histoires larmoyantes d'une minute à l'autre.

Get the 'F' out!	'F' comme foutre le camp!
Dhimmicrappers still know to keep away from the more undesirable elements. Thanks to Allah and Wizbang.	Les dhimmicrottes savent tout de même éviter cette faune infréquentable. Merci à Allah et à Wizbang.

The Tour de Rancid	Le Tour de rance
After French State TV reporting that Lance Armstrong is hated in France because he is American (post race show on Sunday), the newspaper Libération PropagandaStaffel runs a letter from a reader with a title across an entire page (a bit extragavant for simple reader mail) 'These Americans that destroyed the Tour' which is a three quarters of a page diatribe against American participation in the Tour de France. In an article on Saturday, Libération PropagandaStaffel took out their big guns (big for the French that is) by systematically insulting Lance Armstrong: ... he has a natural inclination towards being a despot His self esteem has been transformed into a need for absolute domination He is carried away by a cruel imbecility and humiliates other participants Someone of legend does not behave in such a childish way Does he need to prove his superority? That's all he knows how to do. ... it is forbidden to humiliate the weakest. That's written black-on-white in the Tour's rulebook. Lance uses the rulebook to sit on. And there are other insults that I have not quoted since they are too numerous to mention. Poor Lance, obliged to spend weeks on the roads of France surrounded by paranoid, hysterical hayseeds (hey, what can you do in this country where guys have their periods).	Suite à la téloche de l'Etat franchouille déclarant que Lance Armstrong est détesté en Fwance car il est américain (l'émission qui a immédiatement suivi le Tour ce dimanche), le journal torchon Libé PropagandaStaffel fait passer le courrier d'un lecteur sous un titre qui fait les 4 colonnes de la page (quelque peu spectaculaire pour un simple courrier de lecteur) 'Ces Américains qui ont tué le Tour' qui n'est autre chose qu'une diatribe de 3/4 d'une page dirigée contre la participation des américains au Tour de France. Dans un article paru samedi, Libé PropagandaStaffel a sorti la grosse artillerie (façon de parler en ce qui concerne ces franchouilles, heh) en insultant Lance Armstrong de façon systématique: ... s'est laissé aller à son penchant naturel au despotisme L'amour-propre est chez lui devenu esprit de domination absolue. Lance, emporté par une cruauté imbécile, a humilié un coureur ... Un immortel ne fait pas l'enfant comme ça. Avait-il à nouveau besoin de prouver son incomparable supériorité ? Il ne fait que ça. ... il est interdit d'humilier les plus faibles. C'est pourtant écrit noir sur blanc dans la Constitution du Tour. Mais Lance, la Constitution, il s'assoit dessus. Comme elles sont trop nombreuses, il y a d'autres citations que je n'a pas extraites. Pauvre Lance, obligé de passer des semaines sur les routes de la France en compagnie de franchouilles paranoïaques et hystériques (on est quand même dans un pays où les mecs ont leurs ragnagnas).
UPDATE: More on France's State Party Line©®™ regarding Lance at E-nough!.	DERNIERES INFOS: Plus au sujet de la pensée unique Non-Pensée Inique de l'Etat©®™ franchouille au sujet de Lance chez E-nough!.

George Bernard Shaw on French Intellectuals

Actually, there is no proof that George Bernard Shaw, the Irish playwright and critic whose birthday it is today, had intellectuals of the French kind in mind, specifically, but there's not much harm in pretending he did.

A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.

And here's one that rings true about the views of Washington decision-makers and how they are perceived by knee-jerk America-bashers and Yankee castigators in general.

The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.

Americans, you are hated here

Les américains, vous êtes détestés ici

After Lance Armstrong's 6th record Tour de France victory yesterday, France2 TV (State television and keeper of the State Party Line©®™) presented a poll which ranked Lance as France's 3rd most hated sports personality. The main reason given? 'Because he is American'. Such is the across-the-board anti-Americanism that is currently eating away at France, a country now submerged by obsessional hatred of Jews and Americans. French house organs now admit that the hatred is not directed only against Bush as some of France's lesser intellects continue to affirm.

Suite à la 6ème victoire de Lance Armstrong hier qui a établi un nouveau record pour le Tour de France, France2 (téloche de l'Etat et garant de la pensée unique Non-Pensée Inique de l'Etat©®™) a présenté les résultats d'un sondage qui a classé Lance comme la 3ème personnalité sportive la plus détestée en Fwance. La raison principale fournie pour justifier cette haine? 'Car il est américain'. Tel est l'anti-américanisme universel qui ronge actuellement la Fwance qui est devenu un pays submergé par une haine obsessionnelle de tout ce qui est juif et américain. Voilà donc une antenne de l'Etat franchouille qui avoue que cette haine n'est pas uniquement dirigée contre Bush comme l'affirment quelques-uns des éléments franchouilles les plus décérébrés.

I thought the whole country was a 'free speech zone'	Je croyais que le pays entier constituait une 'zone de libre expression'
Silly me. Not when Dhimmicrappers get together.	Que je suis bête. Ça ne tient pas quand les Dhimmicrottes se réunissent.

More Stomach-Wrenching Photos from Iraq

More "disgusting" photos from the "humiliating" U.S. occupation of Iraq …

They just keep coming, don't they?

(Merci à Gregory Schreiber)