Thanksgiving: What to Be Greatful For in the 21st Century (Yes, Greatful)

At this time of Thanksgiving, I just think we should all take the time to think about what to be happy about and greatful (not grateful) for.

We should be grateful because we are the most intelligent people in history.

We should be grateful because we are more humane than anybody who preceded us.

We should be grateful because we are the most compassionate people who have ever lived.

We should be grateful because we are the most tolerant people who ever lived.

Never has anyone been as open to debate, never has anyone been so open to discussion, as we are.

We may be no more than a nose-pickin' high-schooler or a victimized college student, but we are so wonderful, so much more avant-garde than all the clueless morons who have preceded us.

George Washington? Abraham Lincoln? Christian IX? Montesquieu?

They were all racists.

Shakespeare? Voltaire? Hans Christian Andersen? Alexander the Great?

They were all sexists.

Cicero? Benjamin Franklin? Kierkegaard? Leonardo da Vinci?

They were all homophobes. (Okay, Leonardo was not.)

Hateful beings! The lot of 'em! Haters!

And in the White House, we finally have the most intelligent person to ever occupy the Oval Office. (Think about it: this compassionate being figured out that "the Russians love their children too", his secretary of state set the Reset button with the Kremlin in 2009, and Vladimir Putin has — hardly — bothered anyone since then; the humane leftist who replaced the dumb cowboy Bush understood that violence was always wrong, the pacifist refrained from carrying out his threats towards Assad, and Syria and its citizens have — hardly — been in the news cycle since.)

This is why I am so grateful.

I think of my father.
I think of my mother.
I think of my grand-fathers.
I think of my grand-mothers.

Think about it!!

I am more intelligent than my parents,
I am more humane than my grand-parents,
I am compassionate than all the ancestors who have preceded me.
I am much more tolerant than those… those… those filthy Christian swine!

Can you somehow imagine meeting all of your ancestors? Or one of them (those morons!)? (Allegedly, the Christian religion promises this in some way, but let us ignore that for the time being, due to those haters' ridiculous superstition.)

• One of your ancestors: God in heaven, my great-great-great-grand-son!!! It's a miracle! How are you, dear great-great-great-grand-son?!?! Speak! Speak to me!!

• You (or Me): Hi there, gramps. Uh… you shouldn't, er, open your mouth too much.

• One of them: What are you saying, dear child?!

• You: You are a Christian, right? You are religious, at least? Right?
Then (how to put this?)… you should… shut up.

• One of them: But why, dear child?! Why?!

• You: Because, thank God (so to speak), the likes of you are looked down upon these days. They can even get arrested.

• One of them: For what reason?!

• You: For being hateful, of course. And arrogant.

You see, great-great-great-grand-father, I am far more intelligent than you are (than you ever were).

I am far more humane than you are.

I am far more compassionate than you are.

I am far more tolerant than you are.

And… (last but not least)…
I am far more open to debate and discussion than you are.

• One of them: But—

• You: Enough!! SHUT THE @##%^&&& UP!!!