Jerkin’ your Gurkens Again?

An E. Coli outbreak which has impacted about 200 people and killed 14 is in the process of paralyzing EUtopia. The flummoxing ranges from the eternally organized and nannyistic Dutch asking for help from the hive mind to class and gender interpretations.

It’s also being called a crisis, and Spaniards are demanding compensation from the German government for impugning them with facts.

cri•sis/ˈkrīsis/Noun
1. A time of intense difficulty, trouble, or danger.
2. A time when a difficult or important decision must be made: "a crisis point of history".

As bad as an E. Coli outbreak is, this is not a notable point in history. There’s a more appropriate term:

hys•te•ri•a/hiˈsterēə/
Noun: Exaggerated or uncontrollable emotion or excitement, esp. among a group of people: "the mass hysteria that characterizes the week before Christmas".

What the beknighted continent desperately needs is lawyers who advertise on the sides of busses, a nap, and a (non-recreation) enema, for once, and possibly some mallard spunk.

In a surprising turn of events, semen from a species of duck has been found to totally destroy Esterichia Coli, a rather commonly and dangerous bacteria.