The Joke's on US

I hope the following jokes (?) were really spoken in primetime by the comedians they are attributed to — in any case, Thanks to Mark…

The liberals are asking us to give Obama time.
We agree — and think 25 to life would be appropriate.
— Jay Leno

America needs Obama-Care like
Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.
— Jay Leno

Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
— Conan O'Brian

Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.
— Jay Leno

Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers, and threats to society.
The other is for housing prisoners.
— David Letterman

Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle
of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved?
A. America.
— Fallon

Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
A: Bo has papers.
— Kimmel

Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for clunkers" program?
A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road.
— David Letterman