"How I painfully became an American citizen"

Stupid French broad decides to become a naturalized American citizen, not because she really wants to, but because she's afraid of being thrown out of the country on a technicality and losing her green card. The entire naturalization ceremony, arranged in an inhospitable Los Angeles suburb, is described as a Big Brother type get-together run by menacing guards. She attempts to avoid the Pledge of Allegiance by hightailing it out of the room but is sent back by an official. The bitch is seriously sick. Someone strip her of her citizenship, please.